My neighbor has a perfect dog,

a dog so trustworthy that

my neighbor unclips the leash

from its collar

(even though our town

has a leash law).

That dog walks

two front yard lengths

ahead of my neighbor,

ambling in and out

of everyone’s lawns.

Is it wrong to wish

I could catch it

just once

doing its business

in someone else’s yard

while the over-confident owner

scrolls on her phone, unaware?

Then, what if the homeowner

stepped outside and said,

“Excuse me?” and

glanced accusingly at

the perfect dog,

and my neighbor would have to

quick

put her phone away

and fumble in her back pocket

for the dog poop bags

(if she even carried any),

and then I could walk by

and not look smug at all.

And did I mention,

that dog never barks?

Is it even a dog?

My dog goes CRAZY

when we pass it…

barking, whining, lunging,

while I frantically hold onto

the lead, by a hair,

juggling a roll of dog poop bags

that usually unspools and

jiggly hops down the sidewalk

while I’m shouting commands like

“That’s enough!”

“Don’t pull!”

“Stop barking!”

and my neighbor with the

perfect dog

strolls and scrolls

and her dog doesn’t even

glance our way.

And then my imperfect dog

and I, with no confidence,

trudge into our house;

and my dog is still panting

and I feel as unspooled

as the dog poop bags.

Then I say,

“I kind of hate

that perfect dog.”

And I plop down on the couch

and my dog jumps up

there with me

and we share a bag of

Skinny Pop.